it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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