thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
