i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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