if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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