Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
