im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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