His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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