I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
