god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
