Fine. I'll sleep in my office
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
