if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
