I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
