when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
