fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
two words: eviction party
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
