Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
