Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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