I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
