I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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