i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
