he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
