you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
