ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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