Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
