Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
