Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
