can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
