at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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