I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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