so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I met the friendliest cop last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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