also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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