Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
