Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
