if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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