her vagina looked like bernie madoff
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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