So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
