I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Farmville is her only friend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
