I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
