I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
