The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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