Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
