if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He felt like a one man threesome
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
