I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
