Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
