The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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