there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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