Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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