Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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