my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
