man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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