I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
