She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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