i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
