Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.

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(563): View more from Iowa

The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

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(786): View more from Florida

I miss vodka workout Fridays

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(817): View more from Texas

So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?

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(530): View more from California

Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.

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