Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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