According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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