Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
