I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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