I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
