yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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