He told me they were just razor bumps!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
