You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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