i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
