remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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