Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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