I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
