I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
