Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
