we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
