Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
