i permit you to call me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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