i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
