Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
