They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i love accidental penises.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
