i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize