I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
