I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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